On a rainy day...

I love rainy days... I like to stay home on rainy days. I like to sleep in on rainy days. I like to make chocolate chip cookies on rainy days... basically, I like the coziness of rainy days. I am in Fall mode and anything that seems "cozy" or comfortable is my favorite... I have a lot of favorites... did you notice that my first two posts were both titled with the word "favorite"... ? (I didn't notice... until after I posted.)

I sometimes don't like rainy days. I don't like too many rainy days in a row. I don't like having to wake up early and go to work on rainy days. I don't like to go places on rainy days. In case you overlooked that little dot (.) it's a period, it means stop. - I don't like to go places on rainy days, period. The end. Personally, I think that all rainy days should be like snow days or bank holidays and then no one would have to worry about going out in the weather and everyone could enjoy a lazy day. Though, I guess that could cause problems... especially if you lived in Seattle or somewhere... that would just be awful.

On this here rainy Monday I sit in an empty office and wait for the phone to ring, secretly hoping that it won't ring. I have my music set to my worship playlist and I sit here quite comfortably, writing this post. Though I am not at home, I am comfortable enough.. and soon enough I will be home, and that is a comforting thought. The rainy weather and calm setting I find myself in have allowed me to think and process that which I have been too busy to think about and process these past few weeks...
You know, the life of a college student is a busy one. The life of a mother is a busy one. And the life of this college age not-college-student-or-mother is a busy one. How can life be so busy? I have wondered this for awhile. And I wonder, how can a life filled with so much of both ordinary and extraordinary, be so redundant? The dizzying world of ordinary is entirely mundane and full of activities to make and fill up our lives: I go to work and church, I spend time with family, I eat and sleep and dream. And then I do it all again. It's a never ending cycle. To quote Fanny Price from Mansfield Park:
"Life is nothing more than a quick succession of busy nothings."
 I am not depressed, I promise. I think I am convicted. Really. I actually think these are good thoughts to have, because they cause me to look at the things that I put my hope in and see just how utterly unsatisfying and empty they really are. These thoughts and questions and all this hopelessness... it just reaffirms the truth that is spoken in Ecclesiastes: all is vanity, a chasing after the wind. All the business of life. All the blessings. All the good things the Lord has placed in my life. All the trials and triumphs. Everything... all the pleasure this world can afford, all the comfort and coziness, it's all rubbish. Philippians says that nothing compares to knowing Christ Jesus. NOTHING. Indeed.
The Lord has blessed my life with much goodness. He has poured out blessing upon blessing, and I am more thankful than I can say, but none of it, not my dreams or my relationships or my possessions can satisfy my longing for my Savior. He alone will satisfy. I say that I know this, but I don't live like I do. Because I continually look to all the vain things of this world and I drink them to satisfy a never ending thirst, and I am left empty and discouraged and disheartened. Then on a rainy October day I am led to the promise in Lamentations 3:21-22
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can I just stay in awe forever! Because I think I really need to. I was not placed here for my comfort and pleasure, and I will be continually unsatisfied if I look only to these things to make my life worth something. All the "things" that fill my life do not sustain nor define my life. My life is now hidden with Christ in God! Hallelujah! All I have is Christ!
I pray that my life, no matter how redundant it's activities and business might be, is a passionate pursuit of Christ, because He is worthy.
"But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God."
Acts 20:24